11/12/2017

The Beginning of Darkness - Early boyhood

I mostly remember the darkness

Sitting in a large box with a boy showing me things I had not yet learned

Being afraid of the darkness was a real terrifying thing for me

Seeing and being afraid of the night and the darkness it brought

Having things done to me and not knowing what they meant

Things that affected me to this very moment unable, unwilling to remember

Felling guilty because they felt good and yet somehow knowing

That what I felt was wrong and not knowing why

The only light I remember from this time was a kind loving Aunt

Who gave me the gift of the Rosary - a gift I treasure to this day

The repeating over and over of words of hope that became

A source of strength which has stayed with me forever

Someone to pray for me and to pray to for hope and help

A gift that somehow lifts me from despair into momentary light

A gift I share with my wife of over fifty years that has allowed us to survive my darkness

Most of this very early boyhood was spent in loss of light

Spent in learning to survive darkness and no understanding of

What was happening to me or why

I suppose many go through Darkness but how I hope and pray they do not

Like so many others I thought it was just me

I caused it all to happen and of course I had no control over it

Reality is I had nothing to do with any of what was happening