June 1, 1988

 

We visited with old friends this day. People who through their own turmoil, people who through their own pain, stood fast as brothers and sisters and welcomed us home.

 

I always thought you could not go back. The next time is never as good as the first. But today God's miracle of love was proved out. Today we went back and love was our reception.

 

Maybe we gave love when we were here. Maybe some of our love came home to us. More likely God looked down and smiled. His smile rained torrents of love on us.

 

Tomorrow will be another day. Tomorrow will be a day we'll face positively. Each tomorrow will be days we face with love. Tomorrow will be opened to God's present love.

 

Praise God in the highest

Praise God with word thought and deed.

Praise God in all we are.

God has praised us through his love!

 

 

June 2, 1988

 

We went to mass at St. Philip's this morning.

 

Many people welcomed us and seemed so happy we were doing the work of the Lord.

 

Mom and Dad McDonald took us to lunch even there we were recognized and made to feel welcome.

 

Tonight we are going to John and Jody Blacks for more of, we hope, the same.

 

Lord God be with us. Let us not fail you. Let us not stumble. Find a way to keep us on your path.

 

I am so afraid of failing. I do not want to fail myself, God, or anyone.

 

Have I really grown? Have I made the right changes in who I am? Help me O Lord not to stop growing.

 

I love you God - thank you.

 

John

 

 

June 3, 1988

 

Well we are camping out at Elk City Lake in Kansas. It is a beautiful night.

 

I managed to hurt Linda and Jamie's feelings. They were almost as irritable as me, almost.

 

We seem to se fine, now.

 

I think because we met Tim's family today, that, combined with leaving Gigi behind set the mood.

 

The three of us will cling to each other and our God and all will be fine.

 

We love you God and we praise you. We beg you hold tight to us - we need your presence and your love.

 

John

 

 

June 4, 1988

 

We are in Eureka Springs at the Kettle Campground and it is a beautiful evening.

 

Tonight we have excellent seats for the passion play. Linda is really looking forward to attending it.

 

Last night I had miserable dreams - from out of no where. As usual I shared them with Linda. Since she was involved in my dreams, the truth is, I more than shared them.

 

Tomorrow is the 23rd anniversary of our wedding. Love is more than fidelity although fidelity is a major part of married love. Love is more than sex although sex is an important part of marriage. Love is more than respect, friendship, and love is more than understanding. Although without these, love is not.  I thank God for my wife and I love her more than ever.

 

God knows she must love me because if she did not, she surely would have tired of my unreasonable attitude a long time ago.

 

Thank you God for everything, especially my wife Linda.

 

John

 

 

June 5, 1988

 

We have taken a campsite at Table Rock State Park just outside of Branson, Mo. for tonight and tomorrow night.

 

We are splurging„ after all, it is our 23rd wedding anniversary. We went to see Whispering Bill Anderson - $20 for all three of us. Tonight we are going to see the Brascher Family - $14 for all three of us.

 

Last might we went to the passion play in Eureka Springs. It was a beautiful evening and we enjoyed it.

 

23 years of living, loving, hurting, hurting for, laughing, and believing with one person. It is not a time for thinking of things done wrong, but a time for laughing„ loving, and rejoicing.

 

I am grateful beyond words for my wife and the family. We with our God have produced.

 

We are indeed one in the Lord. - please Lord, stand firm with us and keep us that way.

 

John

 

 

June 6, 1988

 

We are at Table Rock Lake. It is great, pretty and, cheap - $4 per night.

 

We had a nice day yesterday. Mass at St. Elizabeth's in Eureka Springs was packed. It was 1st Holy Communion. The Braschers were funny and good as was Bill Anderson.

 

O Lord I love you.

Not because you are my creator, not because you are my savior, not because you are anything,

       You see Lord,

I love you because you are.

 

I love you because I know you.

I know I can always count on your love.

I know I can always find you.

And if I lose my way as I often do,

        well Lord,

I just know you'll. Find me!

 

O Lord I love you.

I love you so much that I can change.

You see Lord, I love you for you.

I love you Lord, yes, yes for all you've given me.

       I but most of all,

       I just love you!

 

 

John

 

 

June 7, 1988

 

We did nothing last night and did more than we had been doing. We built this beautiful fire, roasted hot dogs and marshmallows. It was a super night.

 

We are staying one last night here at Table Rock. Tonight we are going to one more show, the Plummer family.

 

Even if someone was raised from the dead, there would be people that would not see, would not hear, and would not change their ways. I know this to be true. After all my family and I have been through, we still find it hard to change our ways. We say we are determined to do that. I think we really mean it. We want to change, to be the person God would have us be. To be the person we really want to be. God gives us grace which is God's strength for us. It seems to me with God's strength, we would not have such difficulty in changing, yet, we do! The harder we try, sometimes the more difficult it is for us to change.

 

Do not turn us loose Lord. Hang on tight. Put us where you want us and use us as you will. We will belong to you. We do choose you. We accept your love for us. We reject Satan! We love you O Lord, loving Creator God.

 

 

John

 

 

June 8, 1988

 

Wow! We got to Mammoth Cave tonight very late. Linda cooked a good supper that cost only $4.

 

I thought I was being very patient with Jamie. It turns out that was only my opinion. Hey God, if you ever, (and you must), get tired of being patient with me, please Lord, don't. Remember my experience tonight. Every time I thought I was doing ok with her, well you know what happened.

 

The Plummer Family in Branson was super yesterday evening.

 

Jamie and rode go carts. She single handedly tried to destroy the track, the car; and of course - herself. I was proud she did not quit. I think she even amazingly enjoyed herself. I really enjoy doing things with her. We really had fun - Jamie and me - playing miniature golf also.

 

Linda and I went swimming with Jamie in Table Rock Lake. It was cold but super.

 

I rode a Ridgerunner - a dune buggy - it was super. I really enjoyed it.

 

O Lord, all the great and glorious things that you have allowed to take place these last few days are visible signs of your love for me and my family.

 

I hope I can give visible signs of my love for you by being a more patient husband and father.

 

I intend to try very hard.

 

 

John

 

 

June 9, 1988

 

What a day.

 

It poured down rain at Mammoth Cave. The tent became soaked. Sleeping bags became wet and we were fine. We broke the camp in the rain, packed all the wet things, went to breakfast, took the historic tour of the cave, and went happily on our way. We did fine.

 

We were laughing. Playing, enjoying each other, and the ride, when somewhere between Albany, KY and Jamestown, we became part of the story of life and death. We came up too fast on a curve. We rounded the curve and came face to face with an 18 wheel truck on its side. We immediately stopped. Two other people were also stopped. One man stood on the cab of the truck while another stood on the front of it looking in. A man, the driver, was trapped inside of the truck. He was hurt, but alive and talking. The hurt man was being reassured that help was coming and urged to hang on until help could arrive. It was impossible for us to get the injured man out of the truck.

 

Someone had to slow traffic down to prevent another accident from happening. I walked down the road and took care of that. Linda slowed traffic on the other end. I thought the truck driver was hurt but not critically so, I walked back to the accident to check on his condition. We were about 15 -20 miles from help in either direction. The man who had been speaking to the injured man simply said to me, "he just died."

 

I felt so helpless. I wanted to shout, "stop – don't you know how precious life Is?" Of course everyone was doing all they could. Eventually the police and the ambulances arrived, too late, much too late.

 

We spent $32 on a motel in Pigeon Forge tonight and another $20 on dinner.

 

I am exhausted and depressed and angry and ok.

 

I love you Lord - thank you for protecting us from such an accident.

 

 

John

 

 

June 10, 1988

 

Wow - a super day! We walked around Pigeon Forge, played the incline miniature golf course at Gatlinburg ($10.50) and now are camped on Balsom Mountain ($7). A bear comes through the campground most every night. We are hoping he'll come tonight.

 

O Lord when we take time to see, our eyes seemed to be opened so we can see. Today we saw what you have created. And Lord, what we saw was indeed good.

 

Why is it so surprising when you see what has always been a part of your present?

It is just we spend so much time not seeing.

When we do see; it is so miraculous. Maybe if we did not question you so much, if we could just accept your love, we would not have such a problem seeing.

 

I wonder if these same observations could be also said about believing.

 

We are grateful for your presence, Lord.

We a thank you for loving us and letting us see!

 

 

John

 

 

June 11, 1988

 

A super day but it was cold last night. It got down to at least 32 degrees.

 

We took a winding dirt road for about 2 hours. We went for a 1/2 mile hike to Bircher Creek and we talked about God with people.

 

We are roasting hot dogs and marshmallows over a big fire and hope to see: the beautiful bear tonight.

 

Thank you God for this time! Amen!

 

 

 

June 12, 1988

 

We are stopped at Price Lake on the Blue Ridge ($7).

 

Last night a 400 pound bear paid our camp a visit. Linda saw him first and called Jamie and me. He was beautiful and although we did not get a picture or too close to him; he seemed uninterested in people as a meal. He did try to eat another camper's week old motorcycle.

 

We drove along a beautiful road this day.

 

The only downer was not finding a place to celebrate the Eucharist. Thank you for this day.

 

 

John

 

 

June 13, 1988

 

We are camping at Otter Creek ($7). It is right on a pretty flowing wadable creek. It is pleasant if a little warm. This is our first night to have mosquitoes.

 

The part of the Blue Ridge we drove today was pretty and very surprising. We did not know that people could live right on the parkway.

 

We saw 3 or 4 badgers.

 

It was a good pleasant day.

 

The rhododendrons were incredible and we took too many pictures.

 

The flowers were God's glory shining.

 

Thank you Lord.

 

 

June 14, 1988

 

Long day but special. We are camped for the next two days just outside Wash. DC ($9). We had a splurge day including going to a movie ($8.25) dinner at Shakey's ($13), and a visit to the Jefferson, Lincoln, and Vietnam Memorials at twilight. They were awesome but boy was the city crowded.

 

O Lord God, how I need your love.

Let me open myself to receive it.

Allow me the courage to overcome me.

Let we become open to being loved by you.

Stand firm with me as I fight for strength.

The strength I need to trust completely in you.

I love you and I most assuredly need and want you.

Please keep firm control of me the stumbler.

Help me walk upright without falling.

Do not turn me loose no matter what.

I love to love you O Lord my God.

I am so glad your love for me is eternal and unlimited.

 

 

John

 

 

June 15, 1988

 

Hot! That's the word. 90+ degrees, 85+ humidity.

We went to the National Zoo - hot

We went to the Smithsonian – hot, crowded, and under construction.

We went to the National Shrine – beautiful.

We went to 5:15 mass - almost fell asleep.

We went back to Shakey's - ate way, way too much.

 

Despite all the above, despite finding we had $50 less than we thought,

 

It was a fine good day.

 

We had fun.

 

Thank you God!

 

 

June 16, 1988

 

We are at Loft Mountain. We are here two or three days earlier than originally planned and we are glad about it.

 

We visited the shrine of Our Lady today and she has blessed us.

 

There is a young man camping alone two sites from us. He appears to be ill. I do not know for sure but I suspect he has AIDS. Maybe we can be considerate of him. Maybe we can be Christian toward him. What must he be feeling? How lonely and alone and how much he must need. I noticed he waited for Linda and Jamie to leave and then he came and spoke. I hope he knows of your love Lord. I hope he is open to you and your love. How I hope he realizes he can draw on you for strength.

 

I love you Lord.

        Stand with us

 

PS - Protect us from the lightning and thunder that is now coming toward us

 

 

 

June 17, 1988

 

It was a cool pleasant day. Linda did laundry and read her book while Jamie and I rode into Waynesboro and picked up some extra food. Linda made spaghetti tonight.

 

The awareness of allowing yourself to relax is upon us. Even as we seemingly relax, we concern ourselves with Gigi and Tim's coming. They are not here and we keep looking for them. They really aren't due here until tomorrow at the earliest.

 

We saw three deer today.

 

 

I love you O God, and I am glad you are my God!

 

 

John

 

 

 

June 18, 1988

 

Loft Mountain –

 

Slow, easy day, just waiting for Gigi and Tim to get here -• telephones are out on the mountain for second day in a row. Went to a ranger talk. Jamie went to a children's talk. Pretty day.

 

Trying so hard to relax - need to try less hard just let it be.

 

Walked about a mile or so today.

 

We love you Lord - stand firm with us.

 

 

John

 

 

June 19, 1988 – Father's Day

 

It has been a slow nice day so far. We went to mass at 11 am at St. John The Evangelist in Waynesboro. We had applied for the pastoral associates job there and been rejected. We found out today that they have not selected anyone for their job yet and seemed to be having difficulty, either in getting someone to accept or just to interview; we don't know.

 

We went for a short ride and to the movies…Funny Farm with Chevy Chase. It was fair. We took some pictures.

 

Linda is cooking supper. We read John Chapter 6 today.

 

We called Nikki this morning.

 

We are beginning to get anxious to get to Ohio now.

 

I cannot help but reflect on the past year...the similarities and the major difference between this summer and last.

 

We have a job, a new beginning...

 

O Lord please –

 

 

John

 

 

June 20, 1988

 

Our: last full day at Loft Mountain. It was beautiful. We drove to a big meadow, walked 1/2 mile into the meadow and back - no strawberries yet.

 

We walked the A-Trail around Loft Mountain, about 4-4 1/2 miles.

 

We cleaned and rearranged the car.

 

We read from the Gospel of John.

 

We called and decided to meet Gigi and Tim at Mammoth Cave tomorrow. A long drive tomorrow.

 

Built a fire for Jamie.

 

Linda checked in to St. Mary's and the house seems to be ready.

 

Well God, we are afraid of letting our guard down - we don't want to stumble or fall. Please Lord, please, stand firm with us and continue to hold us up!

 

 

John

 

 

 

June 21, 1988

 

11 am

 

We are on I-64 in West Virginia. We got up, broke camp, and had breakfast.

 

There is so much haze. The air quality is not good.

 

We are looking forward to getting to Mammoth Cave and seeing our daughter.

 

I worry about too much. Did I budget our funds right is a worry I have now.

 

The heck with it - I sure have enjoyed this trip.

 

Thank you God!

 

 

John

 

 

June 22, 1988

 

7 pm

 

Gigi and Tim got here around about 11:30 pm last night.

 

We took the lantern tour of Mammoth Cave this afternoon. It was a different and nice thing to do.

 

We spent $75 more than we had planned.

 

Lord God, thank you for this day. Thank you for all you are.

 

I think Gigi and Tim will really have to lean on you, Lord. Boy, Linda and I sure have needed you!

 

It was cool in the cave and it is hot, muggy, and humid now.

 

We are living in trust!

 

 

John & Linda

 

 

June 23, 2988

 

Well. Lord, one more day done, I mean yesterday as we are just beginning this day.

 

Our week old air mattress died last night and your ground was hard.

 

Linda is reading I am writing, and the kids are sleeping. It is pretty but hot already.

 

To believe - what does it really mean?

I think believing is beyond knowledge –

Believing is even more than expecting:

To believe is to need no explanation.

It is just knowing beyond knowledge.

It is how I feel about you, Lord!

 

 

John

 

 

June 24, 1988

 

Linda, Jamie, and I are in a motel in Dayton, Ohio. We plan on going to Defiance sometime on Sunday.

 

Gigi and Tim headed for St. Louis planning on camping.

 

Lord, it seems we are about ready to begin once more. Can it be different this time? Can we do what you want us to do and be happy and successful? I'm really scared but I am also really confident. I am afraid of failing you, Linda, and me, yet I just know you will hold firm to me, and this time it will be fine.

 

Please Lord, do not even consider turning me loose - hold firmly to me and guide me in everyway.

 

 

John

 

 

June 25, 1988

 

Tomorrow we go to Saint Mary's in Defiance.

 

Today we spent shopping, going to a movie, etc.

 

I hope we are well received.

 

Stand with us Lord - stand firm with us.

 

We love you and our nerves are only so-so.

 

Thank you for this day!

 

 

John

 

 

June 26, 1988

 

We are here! We are in the house that is to be our home in Defiance.

 

The youth group had cleaned the house and made us a welcome sign.

 

Sister Yvonne came and let us in.

 

O Lord our God, thank you for your gift to us. While the question of being worthy never arises, we really hope this time we can be successful in doing your will.

 

We love you –

 

John

 

June 27, 1988

 

Well I am back on the computer once more.

 

It was an exciting and full day. Linda and I tried to settle some more into what is to be our home here in Defiance.

 

We met many people. One of the first visitors we had today was Father Ed. We spent quite a bit of time with him today including dinner. Once again we had what seemed to be frank and honest discussions.

 

He is an impatient man much as I am also. He talks almost as much as I do but he also makes a lot of sense. So far I am excited about what I hear. There are a lot of things he wants us to do, wants us to be involved in. I think within reason we can become a good, maybe very good team. Already he has spent more time with us than any priest we have ever worked for and we are not officially on the payroll until the 1st of July.

 

O God how I do not want to fail you or me. I believe you called me to ministry and I believe you brought me here. I am begging you, my God, please now that I am trying so hard to listen and do your will, please O God, hang on tight to me. Do not allow me to wander off on my own. I am not strong enough to be on my own. Do not turn me loose. Please hold on to me and stand firm with me.

 

Thank you O God for the trip and for this opportunity to serve you in my church.

 

 

 

June 28, 1988

 

So Lord, this was a full day as I know you already know. I tried to do and be who and what you would want me to be. You know the thing with Father Ed today about our boxes, I am trying to understand but I keep thinking that I saw myself acting like an idiot over an insignificant tiny thing that someone had done the best they could and it wasn't enough. I wish I could say I have never acted in such a manner but you know so well I have. What sickens me is not that Linda and I were on the receiving end of this kind of thing but that I saw so clearly how horribly I act and have acted. I am deeply sorry and I will tell my loved ones that I would do anything not to act like that again.

 

Lord I am so humble in this matter. I don't understand how you, how my wife, and how my daughters have put up with me acting so unfeeling in the past.

 

Maybe you have given me this insight so I can find a way to love Father Ed and help him and serve him. If so you are going to have to help me as much as you have ever helped me, no doubt, even more.

 

I am willing to be helped Lord and I want to be helped and I am counting on you for a steadfast hand.

 

I keep thinking of the passage where, you Lord Jesus, talk about not seeing, being blind and then being able to see. I see things now in such a different way. I just know there is a reason for my new sight.

 

I love you and I know of your love first hand. Thank you Jesus!

 

 

 

 

June 29, 1988

 

I am filled with apprehension. I do not know why. Linda thinks it is because so often in the past when things go wrong, I have been blamed and I am afraid of it happening again. I don't know. I am so scared.

 

I really do not want to lack in faith or trust in my Lord. No matter what happens, I know Jesus will love me and take care of me and mine.

 

Linda is holding up so well. She must share some of my apprehension and yet she is my support. I should be her support.

 

My strength must come from my God. There is no place else it can come from. The one who rules this world is not my God, but indeed the enemy of my God. This is the one that is bringing so much down on my being. He does not rule me. He wins small and insignificant battles over me but I belong to Jesus Christ. I was given to Jesus by the Father. The Father and the Father's spirit dwell within me and nothing could cause them to leave. This is my only strength.

 

O Lord my God come and dwell within me. O Lord my God send angels to lift me up and renew me. Do not turn me loose but indeed hold me even tighter. Thank you my God!